


A Whole Lifetime

by Saiphl



Series: Trixya [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, NaNoWriMo, trixyawrimo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 18:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16749241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saiphl/pseuds/Saiphl
Summary: Late, but stomping, we join the Trixyawrimo from Tumblr.Trixie has heard her voice for more than a decade, and feels like she's giving up on finding her.Katya has dreamt of her for more than a decade, she painted her face trying to reach her.





	A Whole Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Late, but stomping, we join the #TrixyaWrimo from Tumblr.
> 
> This is the first of -hopefully- many colaborations with Jania.
> 
> Also, I must tell you that this baby wasn't betaed and our main language isn't english, so we excuse our grammar mistakes beforehand.

**A WHOLE LIFETIME**

**by Saiphl and Jania**

 

When Trixie woke up to the sound of a raspy female voice and images of what seemed to be a gallery, she had just turned fifteen and was part excited, part disappointed she didn’t get to see her soulmate’s face.

Now, eleven years after that, her frustration was growing with every day she expected to find her and it just didn’t happen. Friends like Shea or Kim had already found their soulmates, and they were utterly happy, on the other hand, there were Pearl and her, that -for the hundredth time- were having the same discussion.

“Come on Pearl, At least you know her face”, Trixie said to make her point clear.

"I swear Trix, it's awful to get some kind of hope when you see a single sign of who could be her and find out the stranger you saw has blue eyes or her nose is small and pointy... Even finding a guy who looks like a slender girl." Pearl retorted, annoyed with her negativity. “You just get a voice, but you don't get the weight of an image", she added, matter of factly. “And believe when I say that knowing her face doesn’t make things any easier. It doesn't matter when you wake up everyday with the resolution of finding the one and get your heart shattered every single time.”

Pearl pressed the bridge of her nose, then looked at Trixie with a sad expression. "I’ve seen her happy, and sad. I’ve seen her grow up and change, I’ve already fell in love with her and I can't reach her."

“I am just mad cause you know who are you looking for, I don’t have an idea of how she looks like, all i know is that her voice is raspy.”, Trixie backfired, trying to hide the hurting on her words, somehow failing and making Pearl sink on her chair.

"I have a face, yeah... but you at least know what's she's gonna say when you meet her!" The blonde girl sighed, taking a brief and ashamed look at her friend. “I know it’s hard girl, our besties found their ones almost around the corner. We just have to keep trying.” She added, reaching for her friend’s hand.

"I know Pearlie, but I wonder if it will really happen,” Trixie speculated, more to herself than for the sake of the conversation. “I just wish I had more than just phrases and the sound of her voice. Hearing ‘I love yous’ and ‘everything will be fines’ always comes in handy”, Trixie sighed. “But I’d rather it to come with dunno… a hug or a good nite kiss.”

Pearl held back a laugh, and looked at Trixie saying, "At least we know they're girls. I've met a guy in college who's soulmate was a man, and he was totally an hetero!" Trixie cackled and Pearl continued with her story “He lived scared shitless to find the guy, ‘cause he didn’t want to find out that he was meant to be gay.” Trixie frowns, "poor thing, he was miserable with the idea of having to suck dick. Not that I can blame him, but you get the point" Pearl ends the story, breaking the stiffness of Trixie’s face. "On the bright side, you’ll be surprised whenever you and your soulmate find each other."

"It’s just...I'm starting to think it won't ever happen", Trixie admitted, deflated and starting to sink in her chair. “I’ve been looking around, paying attention, listening to every single person around me,” she said, “and then, nothing happens Pearl… nothing.”

Pearl sighed deeply, "Don't lose hope, I know for sure yours is already in love with you and is trying to find you.”

Trixie reached for her hand to hold it and said “and yours is lucky to already have you, girl.” Trixie gave a side look to her watch and cursed. “Shit! I’m late now bitch, we’ll end this discussion tonight, I have a meeting to reach!” With those words, Trixie rushed to her meeting, with the sound of that raspy voice echoing in her head.

The way to her meeting was long and heavy, and the meeting itself was nothing less than tiring, at the end, Trixie, her manager and the recording label finally agreed on signing a contract, which was followed by a brief celebration cocktail in other hall of the luxurious hotel. While her manager arranged the final details of the contract, Trixie sat in the bar settling for a whisky on the rocks, se was distractedly looking around, suddenly, she felt all the air in her lungs leave in an exhale.

Hanging on a far wall of the place, there was a painting, that showed the face of a blonde teenager on the verge of tears; the long waves of golden hair falling down her back and the reflection on the mirror, showing the slightly visible lines of dry tears down her cheeks. Trixie felt something familiar on the image, she walked across  the room until she faced the painting.

She remembered that face, the crying lines on her cheeks and the infinite sadness that she was barely allowed to show. It was the day of her eighteenth birthday, after her parents found out her soulmate was a woman, and not a man as they wished. The memory still fresh on her head, her mother and father discussing how disappointed they were, how miserable they felt… but must of all, wishing for her to never find her soulmate, ‘cause it may be too embarrassing for them. She remembered how her eyes stung with the silent tears, how she looked in the mirror to check if they weren’t too swell or red.

She reached with a hand to touch the painting, recalling with stinging precision how much she liked the pink sundress she was wearing, and also how she teared it to shreds after hearing that conversation. The pain still fresh in her heart, and the adamantine resolution to leave that house as soon as she could, and never look back. Life had changed from those painful times, now Trixie was building herself a life, and found friends that not only understood, but also supported her. The only thing missing, was her, the mystery woman of the raspy voice.

Lost on her thoughts, Trixie didn’t realized she was being called, until her manager put a hand on her shoulder, “Wow Trixie, the girl on the painting, looks just like you, it’s eerie”. She half laughed and then asked him to find out who did the painting. She wanted… no, SHE-NEEDED to know. Trixie’s urge to find the author led them to the Hotel’s owner, who said he bought that paint from an unknown street artist.  


\---------

Since the day Katya dreamed for the first time with her soulmate, she took the first pencil and the first sketchbook that her hands reached to draw her, Katya always considered herself lucky she got to see her soulmate almost every night, she got to memorize every aspect of her face the little mole at the side of her mouth or the light freckles that covered her cheeks. She could see her smile and how her golden curls framed her face to perfection, and some days even could see her sad, those were the ones that broke her heart, ‘cause she wasn’t there to hold her safe.

Katya recalled feeling excited when she saw her face, as time passed by, she assumed that the blonde girl will be an important part of her life, and even got used to talk to her image on the painting and sketches she always was drawing of her. One day,a few months after her nineteenth birthday, she realized she was in love with the blonde girl in her dreams, she knew it from the moment she finished the only painting of her she sold without hesitation, the one where she was crying.

Now she’s twenty seven and things haven’t been as easy as she thought it would be. She hasn’t found her soulmate yet. First she started looking through the crowd for long waves of golden curls, looking for the matching pair of hazel eyes. Then she looked for pieces of clothing, bright and baby pink pieces of clothing, to be precise. Finally, and along the years, faithful to her greatest talent, she started painting her.

Sometimes optimist, some others not much, Katya kept painting and showing her work wherever she went ‘If blonde girl doesn’t come to me, then I’ll find her’. She repeated that to herself so often that one day, she realized that those paintings conforted her. And those same paintings led her to where she is now, her first exhibition. She was more than excited ‘cause the art gallery invited her from a handful of young plastic artists, and the best part, was the whole row of the blonde girl portraits. From the very first sketch of the freckled teenager, to the most elaborated images of her as a gorgeous woman.

Katya carefully selected the pieces for her exhibition, regretting for a second having sold that portrait of the sad blonde girl. Still that piece was so raw, real and sad that she couldn’t stand it, she couldn’t stand seeing her so broken, it was so personal it couldn’t be part of the exhibition not with people knowing her unknown soulmate was the one in those paintings. Sighing to the blank space on the wall, she took one last frame, her favorite; the first sketch she ever made of her beautiful blonde girl; light and graphite surrounded by the pristine whiteness of the paper of her sketchbook.

“You see? that’s perfect, now everyone will see you’re perfect, everyone will know I’m looking for you”, she said with a huge grin on her face, “and I promise baby, I promise we’ll be alright… together.”

“Katya, everything set up?”, Raja’s voice dragged her from the daydreaming. “If you’re done, I guess you can go home, we’re all set up for the opening.” Lazily, the tall woman stood behind Katya, looking at the sketch she just hung on the wall. “That’s incredible Katya… whatever, who’s that girl? do you know her?”, she asked, a note of pure curiosity sneaking on her voice.

Katya nodded, then shook, “I know her, but I don’t… I’ve been dreaming of her since I was sixteen.”

“Ohh, so is she your soulmate?”, Raja asked, a kind smile showing on her lips. “I dreamt of Nila since I was fifteen, it took me eight years and a tortuous family trip to find her.” She shared, her chiseled frame softening to the mention of her soulmate.

”Oui, this one right here was the first time i dreamed of her, i just had to take my pencils and start to draw her” Katya showed proudly the sketch, which Raja looked at, amused. “I know it has a lot of technical failures, and the proportions are mistaken, but It’s the first glimpse I got of her, this wouldn’t be complete without it.” Raja nodded in agreement, then the both of them walked out the gallery. Splitting their ways to take their respectives cabs.

While on the cab she thought about how would it feel to come home to your soulmate arms. Truth to be told, the wish to find her, mixed with her natural anxiety, were taking the best of her. Was she what her soulmate expected? Would she be disappointed? Yes, that was going to be one of those sleepless nights, which meant Katya’s chances to see her were even slimmer than every other day.

All the way home, Katya was feeling uneasy, something inside her warning that something was going to change. With trembling hands and tapping the tip of her feet she counted the streetlights on her way home. paying the taxi driver and just absentmindedly walking to her apartment opening the door and throwing everything on the nearest couch.

The lights of the city barely sneaking through the windows and reflecting over the wall her only lead on the rush to her bedroom. Muscle memory working its magic by taking her to the nightstand beside her bed, where she immediately took, protective, the frame holding the very first draw of her soulmate, “I’m home baby… I love you.” Maybe she was crazy by telling to a drawing that she loved it, but deep down something told her that somewhere, she was listening to her voice.  

It was going to be a sleepless night for her but if her was listening it was alright. She did her best to try to sleep, from taking a relaxing shower, to the desperate resource of having a cup of warm chocolate milk, and nothing seemed to work. She cried in frustration, how was she going to find her if she wasn’t able to see her? Also, how was she going to cope with the most important exhibition of her career without being able to sleep? The answer to those questions never came, neither the so needed image of her soulmate, or the ability to at least, get a couple of hours of sleep.

Giving up on it, she started brewing coffee it was a long night, and she was going to have a even longer day, so she better at least push through it with caffeine energy. The first lights of the sunrise caught her on the couch of her living room, looking absentmindedly through the window under a soft fleece blanket and holding close to her heart the frame from the nightstand.

After downing the last cup of coffee, she started to get ready. She changed her clothes, tidied the messy bed, went for shopping and got back to water her plants. She still had some hours before the exhibition inauguration, so she felt like going to paint. Getting her hands busy was going to settle her down.

\---------------------

If there was a word to describe what Trixie was feeling, that might be impatient. It had been almost twelve hours since she found that painting, it had been the longest almost twelve hours of her life. Even though she had barely slept, a warm feeling spread through her chest, as if everything was going to be alright… not good enough to calm her down, but at least to not panic.

When she got to actually sleep she only had time to sleep 3 hours but it didn’t mattered cause she got an i love you. Wasn’t it weird? she doesn’t know anything about her but still she gets an i love you from her. Lost in her thoughts, she almost faint with the beep of a message on her phone.

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _Morning bitch! u awake or still hearing the voice of your madness?_

 **_Slay Coulee_ ** _: Answer the phone bitch! I know ur there, ur fkn online bitch!_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _Is that a way to wake your best friend and bridesmaid to be?_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _I’ll give you a clue: IT-IS-NOT-BITCH!_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _Uh, someone is moody today_ _  
_ ****

**_Tracy Martell:_ ** _I barely slept… so, no, I’m not the happiest camper_ _  
_ ****

**_Slay Coulee:_ ** _u barely slept? fuck… u’re gonna be a n8mare_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _your writing is giving me a headache_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _what do my, sweet and charming best friend needs at this unholy hours of the morning?_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _just sayin’ g’mornin’ bitch, and your not-so-friendly-reminder, that today is Sasha’s opening evening_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _so if you still want to be the bridesmaid, you have to be there_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _that’s basically bribing, I hate you_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _I love you too, don’t be late Mattel!!!_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _get a life Bridezilla!_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _If i am alive by then i am gonna try and go, no promises tho_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _CU there bitch, Pearl will be the bridesmaid if you don’t go_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _and it will be in your conscience if my wedding gets screwed by a stoned bridesmaid_

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _No, it won’t. I am going to be laughing of how karma makes its way to you_

 **_Slay Coulee:_ ** _I mean it bitch… bye_

Trixie grunted to the screen of her phone, truth to be told, she had totally forgotten about Sasha’s exhibition, and also that Shea had told her at least two months ago. Truth to be told, Trixie didn’t have the strength, the will or the remains of patience to go to an art gallery while waiting for some information of the author of her portrait.  

She snuggled under her bed cover, where she felt safe. Her mind slowly sliding into the dizziness of her sleepless night and her body begging to rest. Not so sure of how much time she spent on the bed, the beep of her phone made her jump. The screen flashing a message from her Manager, who forwarded the address and references of where the owner of the hotel found the portrait.

Not wanting to lose more time, she pulled some comfy yet stylish clothes and made her way to the address sent to her. She was amused when she found herself at the park that was a few blocks away from her apartment. ‘could she have been here all the time and I didn’t notice?’, Trixie wondered, part excited, part terrified of what she would find. With the picture she took of the portrait, she started walking among the young artists that were there selling their work.

No one seem to know who she was looking for, none of them recognized her nor the portrait and definitely, none of them had her voice. Trixie couldn’t help feeling deflated, she got hopeful of finding her. ‘Cause no one but her could have painted her with such a precision… there was no one when she cried over her parents discussion, no one but her, could have seen that pink sundress.

By three pm she called it quits,all the artist that she went to told her that, that they haven’t seen that kind of technique in any of the artists in the park, she was tired and her body was about to give up of tiredness and the headache that came with it. Once she was back home, she barely made it through the couch, where she fell over, face down and just conscious of the life on her veins with her lungs working to keep her breathing.

Her only clue turned out to be either outdated or wrong, so she was focusing on her breathing cause she really didn’t want to cry right now, and with all the remains of her willpower, she got up from the couch, cleaned her face and got to bed.

 **_Tracy Martell:_ ** _Tell Pearl she is going to be an amazing bridesmaid_

Once she sent the message, she put on some ear plugs and wrapped herself on the bed, easily drifting into what became some hours of some restless sleep. The weirdest dreams went through her head, from listening the raspy voice almost cackling to her desperate attempts to find it, and then shifting to a cry of sorrow, that made her feel like a failure. Then a buzz… where does that come from?, she wondered in the deep of her mind.

Another buzz, what the fuck is that?, she asked to the air, just to get an answer of the echo of her voice. One more buzz, the one that made her jump. Her phone falling from the nightstand to her arm. It had to be buzzing for a long time for that to happen. Still half asleep, she took the device and checked on the screen, just to find a zillion messages and 10 missed calls from Shea.

The phone started buzzing again as a call came, showing Shea’s name on the screen. Trixie answered the call, while taking off one of the ear plugs, “Shea what in the actual fuck? Why did you spammed my messages? It’d better be an emergency or...”

Shea’s voice came rambling in a barely audible whisper,"I think your soulmate is in the gallery, where Sasha is exposing” she said, part excited, part still trying to keep her tone as low as possible.

Fighting back the annoyance in her voice, Trixie rolled her eyes and held a huff, answering in a flat tone "I know Sasha is aweso... what?" She stopped herself, realizing what she just heard. "What did you just say?", she asked feeling her heart starting to beat as fast as the wings of a hummingbird.       

 

Shea took a deep breathe, and hurriedly kept whispering, "There's a whole row of pictures of you, with really similar style to the one you found in the hotel and Trixie, hurry there's like an hour left till this closes."

 

Trixie gave her a hurried thank you and then finished the call. She didn’t have time to do her face, not even to pull a decent hairdo, she barely had time to put some semi-decent clothes, while the uber she called arrived. The location Shea gave her wasn’t so far from her home, but each traffic light and little jams on the street made her curse her former lack of will to go to the exhibition.

When the car finally stopped outside the gallery, she could see a tall woman with olive skin having a cigarette and talking to a gorgeous asian woman, who looked at her as if she had put the stars on the sky, a pang of jealousy stung her chest, but she had no time to lose, according to the invitation she received, the exhibition was about to close and she had less than ten minutes. Then, all her chances would be screwed.

Entering the gallery she felt the world fall. There were barely 10 people left, and Shea jogged to her “come on girl, follow me.” Smiling, she took her hand and dragged her to the row that showed her growing, from her teens, to the Trixie she just saw in the rear view mirror of the uber. Breathless, she released her hand from Shea’s grip and absentmindedly walked to the very first portrait, a sketch of her face drawn in black and white.

A tear fell from her eyes, she was closer than ever to that voice, that one that always comforted her in her worst moments, exactly the same one that brought her back from her thoughts with a loud cackle. She heard steps approaching, and she was too nervous to even decide to turn around, “excuse me, we’re about to close, but we’ll be open tomorrow from 10…” She heard the voice of her dreams, while feeling the weight of a hand landing softly on her right shoulder.

Slowly turning around, a part of her couldn’t wait to see the face of the person behind her, the other part on the verge of a breakdown full of what ifs...

Katya’s breath hitched while the young blonde in front of her was turning. The same golden wavy blonde hair, the high cheekbones, the plump pink lips, a pointed nose she knew so well from drawing it from more than a decade now. It was undoubtedly her, the girl in her dreams. The girl she had been looking for tirelessly, never giving up even though she found her spirits down with each mistaken girl.

“Hi”, Katya said with a sigh as if air wasn’t enough; a wide smile spreading on her lips. “I… I’m Katya, and I think I am your soulmate.” Not thinking at all, she reached to touch Trixie’s face, totally forgetting she had still some fresh paint stains on her fingers from the quick doodle she was making on the back room.

“Oh wow...I am Trixie, Trixie Mattel and I surely am your soulmate,” Trixie said, instinctively leaning on Katya’s touch, where her face perfectly fitted. “And I think you’ve just finger painted my face” she added with a soft smile and a warm feeling spreading through her chest when Katya’s cheeks starting to turn red.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry” Katya tried to pull her hand out, just to find Trixie was holding it with her own. It was even better than she thought it would be; it was just perfect. “I… just… just give me a… no, come with me, let’s get you cleaned and grab my stuff” she said, not moving at all, still caught on the bright of Trixie’s eyes. “You are even more beautiful than I ever imagined you.”

Trixie blushed and felt a stream of tears falling down her cheek. Katya looked at her, a worried expression on her face. “I… I wanted to say thank you.” She took a deep breathe, closing her eyes, just to look back at her in full emotion “thanks for the good nights, and the good mornings… for all those I’m homes… but most of all, thank you for all those I love yous.”

“It’s ok baby doll… now everything’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright.” Katya said for the first time to her, and not to her image, and knowing for sure that from  now onwards, everything was going to be fine. Just because they found each other.

After all the paint was off Trixie’s face and Katya’s hands they sat together still not believing the other was real, and the most important, in front of the other. “I think we have a whole life to catch up,huh?”

“Yeah… a whole life.” With those words, trixie leaned to join Katya by the forehead. “Thanks for not giving up. I love you.” Kissing gently her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave your thoughts on the comments.


End file.
